Or am I writing a blog post instead? I'm sure that somehow this relates to looking for a job.
The problem (one of many) is: I love my job right now. A classroom has never held students as wonderful as mine. I have plenty of time to read and write to my heart's content. I get to study another language, which has always been one of my life's goals. I get to know and love Chinese people and culture. And I get to talk with them about some things I think are important to life.
Last night I went to a house on campus where a group of students meet every night to eat dinner together and fellowship. I saw a living example of the kind of brotherly love and fellowship our friend Luke described about 2000 years ago. When I walked in I saw a mouth-watering display of dishes spread out on the table and a group of smiling brothers and sisters waiting to make my day. We stuffed ourselves then sang our hearts out. I learned more Chinese in the few nights I've spent eating with that delightful group than in my many hours spent studying alone and I struggled to keep up with their conversation. I reveled in the joy of the moment and wondered how I could leave this place I love so much.
My mind flashes back nine months to Sydney, Australia. Standing at the entrance to security in the Sydney Airport, I didn't think I had the courage to walk through those doors. I couldn't face the thought of leaving my sister behind and going back to China alone. I'll never know how I managed to make my legs work against my every desire.
Then I travel even farther back--ten months to Norman, Oklahoma. The prospect of leaving my family and friends again seemed like the worst idea I'd ever had. I dreaded leaving behind the comfort of their arms. How could I ever have thought of leaving home again? Not a particle in me wanted to be back in China after the summer. I couldn't imagine making it through another year like the one before.
I find it slightly ironic that now I'm having trouble convincing myself that I'll be happy away from China. It has taken hold of my heart in ways I never dreamed of. But I'm reminded of how much I wanted to stay in other places when leaving turned out to be the biggest blessing. Every time I've dragged my feet and dreaded the change I've been proven wrong. Here's hoping that will be true in the future.
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered"
-Nelson Mandela
3 comments:
Another wonderful post! Yes, indeed, change is frightening and what's familiar is comforting. But you're right to choose to take the plunge out of your comfort zone. I've never regretted doing so and doubt that you will. You'll always find new things to enrich and enthrall you.
You wont be at home for a while miss Katie- you've still got a lot of living left to do (hmm sounds like a song...). Anyways, my point is, wherever you are, your heart will find contentment, inevitably, and where ever your not, you will long for. Thats just sorta... part of it. We are supposed to long for more. More of where we are, more of where we aren't more of what we have or more of what we don't have. As long as your still searching for more, be it here, there, anywhere, its the search that matters. But you know that :)
it's sort of happened like that. sort of.
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