哥哥

Clifford somewhere in Thailand

In Egypt

Off the coast of India

It seems fitting that Pink Floyd provided the backdrop as I rounded the corner on 24^th where my brother lost his life.  If it hadn’t been for him I might never have learned to appreciate good music.  It was he who introduced me to The Wall, Led Zeppelin, some of the Beatles lesser-known masterpieces, and the Who.  I remember with painful clarity the first time he made me listen to Queen’s Greatest Hits on the way to Michigan: me grimacing in pain and begging for a shorter CD.  I never suspected it would later become my favorite album.  We used to have radio wars right up until he left for the Navy.  By the time he came home, I had surrendered to the classic rock craze thinking we’d finally agree on something, only to discover that he’d started listening to country while he was away.  I guess when siblings fight at home it doesn’t affect how much they miss each other later.

I’m still having trouble believing that it’s real.  Because I hadn’t seen him in 10 months I’d almost adjusted to our irregular,  infrequent communication.  It’s hard to convince myself he won’t come walking in here with a silly grin and some redneck story to tell me.  Reality is getting harder and harder to avoid though, as we acquired his beautiful dog and read over the will.  The part where he left me his music collection brought a fresh wave of pain, so acute I almost couldn’t breathe.  I didn’t know I could hurt this bad.

My purpose for today’s post is to thank everybody who has been my lifeline over these past few weeks.  Without the love and prayers of so many of you I don’t know how I would have kept going.  I don’t regret going to China but being on the other side of the world from my parents during this time was truly agonizing.  I’m infinitely grateful for all of you who called, sent messages, prayed, and hugged me.

"I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.  It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.  Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at."

-Maya Angelou

我喜欢看书

I'm watching the smoke curl from my mosquito-repelling coil, and wishing the insects were as quick to clear the room as the students are from campus.  The University has turned into a mass exodus.  Everybody lit out of here like there was a fire under them, in a rather soothing turn of events for me.  I finished teaching over a week ago, got all my grades completed quickly, and am currently trying to work on something I have yet to master:  patience.

If everything goes as planned I'll leave Sunday afternoon for Beijing, spend a little less than a week, then get ready to go back to America in a gratifyingly small number of days.  Mostly I'm spending my days reflecting on this year and counting the number of seconds until I get to see my sister.  Looking back over this year I can see an uncomfortable number of things I wish I had done differently, but am rewarded by the realization that some things could not have been better.  I know that when I get back, people are going to want me to tell them what my year has been like and I feel frozen in an inability to convey anything real about the vast and unexplainable China.  I can find words, but not sentences they could fit.

I've turned to reading to recuperate, under the illusion that every breach in my life can be patched with a good book.  So far I have not been disappointed.

"We read for those important moments when literature gives us words for what we are: the words for what we did not know we were.  In reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.  Like the night sky in the greek poem, I see with a myriad of eyes, but it is still I who see.  Here, as in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do."

-C.S. Lewis

糖醋

This is us learning how to cook tang cu li ji

和平公园，二零零八

Yesterday one of my favourite students, Vanilla, invited me to go roller skating with her and some of her classmates.  I haven't been roller skating since I was in about...6th grade so I was pretty stoked.  Unfortunately when we arrived, the place was closed, so we settled for playing in the sprinklers at Peace Park, and eating ice cream in the shade.  We stuck our feet in the Chang Jiang (Long) river and somehow emerged without a disease, so I guess it's not as dirty as it looks.

The relaxing afternoon was followed by one last trip to the Indian Canteen for the year.  Then this morning our Sunday group went to our favourite place in Restaurant Row: Er Ling Ling Ba (2008).  The lovely sisters who run the place agreed to teach us to make some of our regular dishes, so Elizabeth and I stepped into the kitchen (which incidentally is smaller than most people's bathrooms) with our notebooks and camera's in hand.  We watched him create five Chinese wonders and hastily scribbled instructions in the hopes that we can cook them for our families this summer.  We had to occasionally call Emma in to translate, but for the most part managed quite well.  So this summer if you'd like to try some authentic Chinese food expertly cooked by yours truly, give me a call!

"What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child?"

-Lin Yutang

晚饭和好朋友

The only complaint I could possibly have about yesterday was the bananas mixed with mayonnaise.  Could there be a more disgusting dish?  I spent all day preparing a feast with my friends Sabrina and James, getting ready for an end-of-the-year party with nine of my friends.  We were grocery shopping together and Sabrina suggested a salad.  I had my doubts about her idea of a salad but went with it for the sake of adventure.  She bought a jar of mayonnaise.  I was wondering what was next but kept my mouth shut.  When we got home she asked me to make the salad and I gave her my most confused look and said, "But I don't have anything to make a salad with."  I used my carrots in the chicken and dumplings, and didn't have any lettuce.  That's when James came to the rescue.  He had bought a bunch of bananas, and they proceeded to cut them into pieces and coat them with mayonnaise.    I couldn't even hide my look of disgust, no matter how hard I tried.  No one else seemed to share my revulsion and the whole dish was gone by the end of the night.

I tried to forget how much they loved the "salad" when they also complimented my cooking, and convince myself that my food really was delicious.  But you just can't go wrong with food and friends.  There's no way to ruin that combination.  My oven has become a serious health hazard, and I couldn't even turn it on yesterday (which is probably better than the ball of fire it sometimes becomes) so I improvised and made cobbler in the microwave.  Surprisingly it turned out great.  When we had all stuffed ourselves to the bursting point we had to play the Chinese version of Paper/Rock/Scissors to decide who had to finish the dishes.  My apartment never feels more like a home than when it's filled with laughter and the smell of good food.  It was a great way to finish our semester-long study group.

"Cooking is like love.  It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."

-Harriet van Horne

这是我第十个月在三峡大学和我还喜欢我的工作

I realized today that I've had the same job for 10 months and I don't hate it yet.  That's got to be some kind of record for me.  I actually still look forward to going to work in the morning.  I'm wondering if it's because I'm getting more mature or if I've finally found something I enjoy.  Probably not the former.  What a joy it is to get paid to do something you love.  I gave my last final today and was actually sad to say goodbye to my students.  I probably know less than half of their names but I know and love all of their faces.  Now to grade papers...the least enjoyable part of my job.

This week probably marks the last week of studies since the students are busy with their other exams, and I shall be off to Beijing soon and other adventures.  I feel really good about where we left off though, and expect to see good things in the future.  Several of my friends are graduating and moving to other provinces or countries soon, so we are all going to get together and cook one last time.  I hate goodbyes, in case I haven't said that enough times already.  But on the bright side I'm incredibly excited to see where their lives take them.

Also...fruit lady had fresh peaches this morning when I went by her stand and you know what that means...PEACH COBBLER.  Yum!  I love my life.

If only there was some way to get some home-made ice cream too...

"I say if you're not obsessing about something, you might not be into it quite enough."

-Chris Thile

外国语学院毕业生

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday

And the doorbell is ringing again

There's an old man at the dumpster

Digging for plastic and tin

The doorbell plays me a melody

I sure wish they would go

It's loud and it beeps and I still want to sleep

While I can pretend I'm not home

La la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

I sing a song for the mystery man

Sing them a song, "Goodbye"

Well, I'm not in the mood for company

And you've got me feeling uptight

Now the man at the door is a friend of mine

It could be one friend or three

And I'd like to joke or to buy them a coke

But right now it's just to early

I sigh, Go away, you're killing me

As the smile runs away from my face

Well I'm sure that I could dream some more

If they would just leave this place

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da

And that's what happens when you ring my doorbell at 9am on Saturday.  I'm singing Billy Joel all day and end up with some words of my own.

Speaking of singing, if you know me at all...you know that I am the worst.  I love singing, but nobody else loves my singing.  Until....China.  Tonight was a graduation party for the Foreign Language College and some students of mine begged me to join their group and sing with them.  I reluctantly agreed, thinking if there were six of them and one of me, no one would have to endure my voice.  I also was not made aware that a thousand people would be in attendance.  I love my students and I thought we'd have some fun together.  Fun, is the one word I cannot honestly use to describe today.  Funny; however, fits perfectly.  The powers that be decided to cut our group from seven to three this afternoon, thereby increasing the likelihood that the poor audience would have to hear my voice amongst the din.  Think of the most annoying song you've ever heard.  Then, picture me singing it with two other students in front of hundreds of screaming fans.  Did I mention that we forgot the words?  (Partly because I learned the song last night).  In case you were wondering, we performed "Big Big World" which is an English song that's immensely popular here and totally unheard of in America.  I hate it.  My fondness for the song aside, it was an event I will never forget, and the performance as a whole was totally enjoyable.  I laughed continuously and I'll try to post some videos to facebook soon.

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

-Mark Twain